Reading Francis

From protagonists to witnesses, blessing the next generation, and what I learned from a missionary motto

How do you know when it’s time to go?

Fr. Ronald Rolheiser is one of my favorite spiritual guides, and his book Sacred Fire has had a profound effect on my understanding of what it means to be a mature Christian. (Which I am not, yet.) Over the years, I’ve led a couple of virtual groups on his “Ten Commandments of Spiritual Maturity”; the one that may be the most challenging is “Bless more and curse less!” (and not because I have a potty mouth; that’s just a bonus).

Rolheiser’s definition of blessing someone is “to see and admire a person, speak well of him or her, and give away some of your life so that he or she might have more life” (p. 223). I remember the first time I read the book, there was a line that jumped out at me: “Do you want to bless a young person? Step away and give him or her your job!” (p. 230)

On the long lists of projects I have for my retirement, one of them is working with a coauthor on a book that brings attention to a profound series of teaching on aging and elderhood that Pope Francis gave a few years before he died. In it, one of the themes he identified as a gift and challenge for elders is to shift from the role of protagonist – the main character who makes things happen – to that of witness – a supporting role that encourages the next generation. His was a papal version of Rolheiser’s commandment on blessing and cursing.

As I’ve discerned over the last year or so that January 2027 is the time for me to retire from my career, there is a saying that I’ve heard that missionaries use which guides me: 

Go where you are needed, but not wanted. Leave when you are wanted, but not needed.

Rolheiser, Francis, and the missionaries are onto something, I believe. 

I hear from friends who lead organizations from time to time about this question about when to leave. Often, they aren’t talking about themselves; they have someone on their team who just refuses to go gently into that good night. But sometimes, they are talking about themselves, and they just don’t know who they will be, if they aren’t on the job.

I get that. My dad retired when he was 84, and if he could have kept practicing dentistry without going through the rigmarole of hiring and training new staff, he might not have quit even then. When you are doing what you love, it is hard to walk away.

I have loved this job, this team, this organization, this work. I have loved the people I’ve met from all walks of life and from all over the state and country, all because I was AARP Florida state director. I hope to continue my friendship in a new key and cadence with those folks who want to in my retirement, though I know that time will sift out the work-friends from the just-plain-friends. Regardless, I know that God has other stuff for me to do, even though my ambition is to lead a quiet life.

Mostly, though, I want to give someone else a chance to do one of the best jobs around. When I was a kid, there was always one swing on the playground that went higher than the others and made you really feel like you were flying. For a nonpartisan, curious, policy and people guy, this job has been that swing. I don’t want to be the kid that hogs it. It’s somebody else’s turn. The best thing I can do is give them the chance.